Modern Alert Screen
I have some ongoing design notes that I add to every now and then. It is sometimes when I get a brainstorm about how to do something new or better. More often than not it is prompted by something so old, bad, stupid and annoying that it forces me to pay attention. Just about three years ago, I encountered one of those profoundly annoying status alerts. It took the focus away from what I was working on. It started hijacking my keystrokes. It forced me to stop what I was doing and make sense of their idiotic message. For whatever reason, this really sent me over the edge. The impertinence of these journeyman programmers is sometimes more than I can bear.
I stopped that day to create the mother of all annoying alerts and put into it every one of the annoying practices these things foist upon us. As ridiculous as it may seem, every single one of these items are based on real events that happen with real software. It is entirely impossible to exaggerate how bad these things are. They may not all be combined in one screen, but more than one often is, and some companies come dangerously close to incorporating all of them somewhere.
Let's review these:
Helper Process:chkSomethingUnnecessary, Launched by process YouNeverHeard Of, subSystemNotRequired, component of jnkStuffA VendorInstalledWithout My Permission:: Starting Startup Stage 3, sub-stage 11,work unit 18:initialize array.
Just reporting back that the system is at a stage that we thought was noteworthy. We thought it was important enough to not only interrupt your work immediately, but stop it completely until you attend to this application.
Alert:You are running the CrippleWare version of WhoKnowsOrCaresWhatItDoes (TM) by eBanditSoft (SM), Customer Relations Experience Enhancement Program (CREEP) division of Canukistan country office of North American unit of supra-national quasiCriminalOligoSoft LLC (R), which requires you to restart the program again every 90 minutes. Click on the upgrade button to upgrade to something functional. Have your Credit Card and your 16 digit alpha-numeric customer code handy and we will issue you your 120 digit alphanumeric activation and decripplification code.
Time remaining (est based on user history average time of 6sec to dismiss dialogs):6 days, 3 hrs, 42 min, 0
Alert:Critical Security Update is available. It is strongly recommended that you install it. Uncheck 'update now' option to install later. Update takes only a few minutes to install and a single reboot.
Note:You must be a Certified eBandit (TM) Administrator. Click 'LearnOnline' button to enroll. Spaces are limited, so please sign up and take advantage of the 10% early bird registration (R) discount.
Our customers are our most important asset. We hope this product has delighted you by exceeding your expectations. Please take a moment and click the survey button to tell us how we are doing with this particular dialog. We know your time is valuable, so we will issue you 1,000 customer loyalty points (expiry in 60 days) if you complete another survey within 30 days. Even though you have no choice, we promise (TM) to work hard to keep your business! (Some Restrictions Apply).
For your convenience, you can uncheck the survey checkbox to complete it later. This feedback is only for this dialog. Product feedback will be requested on the 'Thank You' dialog when the system shuts down.
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