For your design to make it forward through time, you have to ensure the survivability of that design. It has to be reproduced somehow, either by doing something that favors the design in related individuals or by replicating your own design into the next generation.
Our design is primarily transmitted through genetic material and that genetic material makes it into the next generation through the production of offspring by sexual reproduction.
Failing to promote your design forward is fatal. A design that does not survive is a bad design that … does not survive. You are the product of many, many, *many* generations of good design.
How something like romantic love and yearning for it arises can get extremely complex, but it should be apparent that males and females desiring contact will get together. And that, at least in many cases, eventually results in offspring. The design moves forward once again in time.
Seeking a mate can indeed be very challenging, ‘an arduous process’. In fact, even for those with the most resources, it is still a challenge because you are looking for the optimal strategy and that can be extremely difficult to determine. Some of us will have no problem getting some kind of offspring into the next generation, but this is a competition and just getting to the next generation is necessary but not sufficient. You need to produce *viable* offspring that will survive, reproduce and keep their genes alive.
You are stuck with the longing, I am afraid. Make the best of it. Don’t drift about waiting for someone to come your way or waste tons of time in trial and error. Do your research. Learn how to be as attractive a mate as you can be. Learn how to find potential mates and identify which ones are reasonable choices.
Potential mates are looking for ‘fitness’. Mates are seeking ‘attractive’ individuals. What makes people attractive are signs of fitness for the purpose of conceiving and raising successful children. For males, ‘attractive’ means females who are healthy and have maximal childbearing potential. What makes people appear ‘beautiful’ is in fact just overt signs of viability and physical health. Signs of this are regular features, appropriate dimensions, vigor, good teeth, healthy hair, etc. For males, the optimal female is one on the low end of childbearing age. Last I heard in populations near me that means women around 20 to 23. For females, ‘attractive’ means males that are physically attractive as above (health, regular features, etc). However, they favor males that demonstrate the means and desire to stay with them to protect and support a family. Last I heard, men are at their most attractive to women when they are in the range of 29–39.
For both men and women things like high social status and wealth are attractive.
Empirically, animals tend to favor mates that are similar in appearance to themselves. This makes sense because deviation from norms is a warning sign more often than not. There is an effect where an individual that stands out is *more* attractive to some, but the smart money is on fitting in.
It is best if you *are* the picture of health, wonderfully good looking, come from a great family, are wealthy and well-connected. This is why princes and princesses figure prominently in romantic narratives. Given a choice, most people are going to opt for the beautiful, wealthy and powerful at the pinnacle of nobility.
Most of us are not nearly ideal. However, the appearance of the ideal is a really good substitute. Women can’t always *be* 21 years old, but by plumping and reddening their lips, applying makeup to smooth their skin, wearing cleverly arranged clothing, adopting certain mannerisms, etc, they can appear closer to that ideal. Men can’t always be 30 years old, but by careful grooming, staying in shape and similarly wearing clever clothing they can appear closer to the ideal.
For men, it helps to have that expensive car and fancy suit that demonstrate the means to provide for a family. Being able to escort women to important engagements, fancy restaurants, exclusive parties, etc indicate a desirable social status.
There are all sorts of tips and tricks to enhance your appearance to a potential mate. For women, something as simple as pinching their cheeks before heading out the door can give them a tiny edge.
Women should be mindful of the narrow window they have to be at their most attractive and should take pains to make sure they ‘play the field’ early enough to get an idea of what is out there before they hit their peak years.
Men are similarly affected by a window, but it is a larger window (though not all that much) and it appears later. If you are a man, you have more time, but a word to the wise: you will need it.
To maximize the process of searching for and acquiring a mate, you need to move quickly to establish what is out there and how you stack up to the competition. You have to correct any deficiencies you can, settle into a search for suitable candidates and then make their acquaintance. Once you are there, you are looking for someone that you can actually stay with. They may be gorgeous to look at, but still not right for you. You have to put your best foot forward, but you also have to be reasonably honest and authentic.
Chemistry is important. I can’t prove it, but I think the reason that being ‘a good kisser’ is a big deal is because it is a vetting process — literally a chemical analysis — to determine that there is a good genetic match there.
You want to create ‘limerence’ in the right candidate individual and you want to experience limerence yourself. If you have been careful you may well find that it springs up on you without any effort. Otherwise, you need to use everything you’ve got to create it. Mutual infatuation can be extremely annoying to the people around you, but for the couple in love, it is pretty awesome and well worth some effort.
You need, as I say, to put your best foot forward, but that does not mean outrageous cheating. The ‘PUA’ movement is the antithesis of romance. The whole premise of that movement is to prey on women by tricking them into sexual involvement under false pretenses. It is a sad strategy, for sad men that only spreads misery. Don’t be that guy.
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